Honouring Fathers and Establishment of Intergeneration Bonds of Love

©Jane A. Simington PhD.
 

In celebrating Father's Day, we honor fathers and acknowledge the roles and responsibilities of fathering; one of which is the establishment of bonds of intergenerational love. Celebrations of Father’s Day date back to the middle ages, where in Catholic Europe it was held on March 19, the feast day of St. Joseph, to encourage all fathers to model the foster father of Jesus. Spanish missionaries brought this teaching to Latin America, where March 19 is still the day most often used as the day to acknowledge fathers. Outside of Catholic traditions, Father's Day was not celebrated in North America until the 20th century. Several attempts to establish this holiday as a complement to Mother’s Day failed until various commercial groups in the United States saw it as a commercial opportunity to sell ties, tobacco pipes and other traditional presents for men.
 
As we prepare for our involvement in Father’s Day celebrations, it will be wise to consider how the expectations surrounding this day may impact the men in our lives. Awareness of the effects of social expectations helps us, not only to recognize but also to acknowledge the feelings, resulting from their various life circumstances, which may or may not be expressed.
 
I feel fortunate to have been raised in a family in which I never questioned the devotion my father had for his role, his children, or our mother. From both parents I learned the power of giving and receiving love. Yet, as a counselor I am only too aware of how many children are not blessed in such ways and then search, even into their adult years, for answers as to why they never felt or feel a sense of love or belonging.
 
One of the greatest values of celebrations such as Father’s Day is the relating of family traditions and stories; for they help to foster a sense of intergenerational bonding and connectedness. One of my favourite memories of my father are his narratives of his childhood, his father, my grandfather.
I never knew my grandfathers; they both died before I was born, so it is perhaps because of that void that I feel a deep sense of appreciation for the opportunities to learn about grandfathering, by witnessing my husband embracing this role. As I watch our grandsons go about their activities with their grandfather, I am in awe of how everyday experiences are not just ordinary experiences, but extraordinary ones; and are often experiences that while being enjoyed by both grandfather and grandsons for the very first time, are also experiences that can never be repeated. I also recognize that in the abundance of the energetic force of their growing, they apply a kind of salve to help heal their grandfather’s old wounds.
As a bereaved mother and counselor, I have for many years witnessed how the celebrations of Father’s Day cause, for many grieving fathers, a resurfacing of the recognition that the goals and dreams for their relationship with their child who has died will never be achieved. And yet, within that knowing is tied a deeper acknowledgement of the cycle of life and of the value of meaningful and loving relationships. Each day, as I enjoy hearing of my husband’s grandfathering experiences, I am keenly aware of how those experiences are the glue that firmly cement into place the strong bonds of intergenerational love.