Mother’s Day is celebrated annually as a tribute to mothers, motherhood and the influences of Mothers in society. Although the origins of the holiday date back to ancient Greek and Roman times, the modern forms of this celebration take place in many countries during the months of either March or May. Here in North America, Mother’s Day is celebrated annually on the second Sunday in May.
 
Symbols of mothering and motherhood abound in many cultures and include the Celtic symbol of three intertwined circles. This symbol which represents womanhood in general for it is indicative of the maiden, the mother and the crone, is also used to acknowledge the young mother, her mother and her grandmother. The Hopi Corn Crow Mother acknowledges the fertility of motherhood. The corn crown carries a basket at the spring and autumn equinox from which she spread corn to symbolize the growth of new corn and a successful harvest.
 
The garden, especially one filled with blooming flowers is also a common symbol of motherhood. The rose, the lilac, and the iris are the flowers most frequently associated with the virtues of mothers, and because of those associations are used when mothering is being acknowledged. Red and White roses are often given at Mother’s Day celebrations. A red rose, symbolizing life and vitality is the flower given to a living mother, while the white rose, because of the association of white with the spirit-world, would be placed near a photo of a mother who has died. In Celtic tradition, purple is associated with spirituality, and the lilac due to its intoxicating fragrance is considered to have magical properties. These association have long linked lilacs to mothers and are frequently used in many cultures to gift and honor these mothering virtues. Folklore reports that the Goddess Iris personified herself as a rainbow, creating a bridge between this world and the next. For this reason, graves of mothers upon which purple iris have been planted can be found in cemeteries, both ancient and modern.
 
As we prepare for Mother’s Day and the celebrations we are hosting, or being involved in, I encourage that we consider the effects of this day’s activities on the various groups of women who will be touched and impacted in different ways by the day itself and by the meanings conveyed through social expectations.
 
Holiday celebrations such as Mother’s Day tend to include family gatherings and the sharing of traditions and “Remember When” stories. Such stories can trigger a life review, for they remind those of us whose mother is still living as well as those of us whose mothers have died, that we have shared both positive and less than positive experiences with them. “Remember When” stories stimulated by the celebrations that are a part of the preparation, and of the day itself, can also nag us to examine our own mothering, and thus prompt us to review our parenting experiences. This need can be even more impactful if we are the mother of a child who has died.
 
My experiences, as a bereaved mother, as a counselor for the bereaved, and for the many who have required relationship healing, have taught me the value of focusing on both the hurtful circumstances and the losses endured; as well as on the transformation and positive outcomes that have resulted. I acknowledged the value of using this approach for both my personal and professional work when I recognized that each time we go through a difficult life event, or are triggered back to that event, we engage in a mini-life review. The goal of the life review is to examine the life we, up to this point, have lived and to determine if we have done the best we could have done. When we do so, we can re-enjoy the positive experiences and then determine how to make amends for and heal those circumstances that were not the way we believed they should have been or, did not turn out the way we would have liked them to.
 
To apply the healing aspects of this model when the events surrounding this Mother’s Day trigger you, remember to re-enjoy and describe to others all the positive memories. When memories surface that cause distress, do not shield and emotionally run from them but engage fully in what is known as a circular form of questioning. To do this, examine the memory, and then ponder, “What happened next? “As you come to the answer, ask, “And then what happened? “As soon as you gain that insight, ask the same question,” And then what happened?” Keep repeating this form of circular questioning, until you identify the silver linings under most of your losses and difficult experiences. When you do so, you will likely recognize that while your mothering and being mothered had difficulties, there were also many positive times and subsequent positive outcomes. In so doing, you will have achieved the goal of the life review and the satisfaction of recognizing and appreciating the silver linings beneath most of your life’s difficult experiences.