Communicating Love

communication love Feb 14, 2018

Jane A. Simington PhD

It is probable that since the beginning of human existence, humankind has searched to find the right ways to express love. While much is written about the best approaches for doing so, it is always worthwhile to examine how we convey these deep feelings, and to explore new strategies for expressing our love and caring.
The color of love is green and is usually associated with the energy chakra in the middle of the chest. As this chakra opens beyond the first layers of love it becomes surrounded by a rose color. In energy healing practices that make use of color therapy, green and rose quartz crystals are both used to reflect the healing power of these colors to the heart centre.

Wear rose quartz crystals for their power to pick up negative emotions that interfere with self love and relationship love.
Place rose quartz crystals between a picture of you and the person with whom you are attempting to heal wounds of love.

When we speak of love, we must recognize the differences between love and compassion. Love can have strings attached and can be enmeshing.

“I love you if you do this.”
“I love you if you are this or become this.”

Compassion however, is love without hooks. Compassion is love at a soul level. It is the kind of love when we see the other in a more true and soulful way.

“I love you because you are you.”
“I love you with and despite your good and your difficulties.”

The love I chose to describe has a definite emotional component but is wrapped in a bundle of compassion.

Strategies to Communicate Compassionate Love

Soul to soul communication.

I believe we do not have to tell someone we like or dislike them, that we love them or do not love them. They pick up our thoughts long before we are even aware of them. Thoughts are energy and where the energy goes, the action follows. If you want anything in your life, focus on what you want, not on what you do not want.

I am often asked for help to, “Fix my relationship.” The first question I ask is “What are you thinking of her?”
Self talk – Thoughts create attitudes which result in behaviours. If we think loving thoughts, we automatically behave in more loving ways.
Our thoughts are not only contained within us but radiated from us and are contained within our energy field. This is how they are picked up by those around us.
The science of psychoneuroimmunology suggests that every thought creates a neuroenzyme that passes through every synapse of our bodies. Thoughts of love are therefore picked up by every cell in our body; helping to create health and well-being within our selves.
This is also why the statement, “Every thought you think is creating your future” is valid.
It is also why this statement is true, “You are today a product of all the thinking you have done up to this moment.”

Appreciation communicates love.

This is a further application of where the thoughts and words go, energy follows. I have learned that by stating: “I really like that” or “I really appreciate what you did.” I get more of what I want and at the same time make the other feel more valued. Too often however, we focus on what we do not want, with the result of then getting more of what we do not want.

I learned the power of focusing on what I wanted when I worked at the women’s prison. They had received so many reports telling them all the wrong things they did. While I had to give an honest report, I also recognized that there were two ways to say anything. One woman on whom I had to write a report had been generally disrespectful to me and to the other group members; but on two recent occasions seemed to have had an attitude adjustment. On her report I wrote, “...is beginning to show respect for the facilitator and the other participants.” The positive statement worked like magic. The woman began to become that positive affirmation and during each subsequent session, found at least one way to show appreciation for the group and group members.

The eyes are the windows of the soul.

Everyone recognizes a look that conveys love and caring. Have you ever met someone with “kind eyes?”

When I took my first counseling class, we were given an assignment to practice communicating with our eyes. Part of the assignment was, to stop any activity we were doing when a loved one spoke to us and to immediately turn and make eye contact with the person who was speaking. I practiced with my husband and found the exercise to be an amazing relationship strengthening activity. The eye contact seemed to encourage my husband to speak in more intimate ways. I also realized that when I made and held eye contact while he spoke, he described events with more details and his narrations became more interesting.
My daughter also taught me the value of eye contact. One day after her kindergarten class, while I was busily making dinner, she excitedly tried to tell me about an activity she had completed. In the midst of her story she suddenly exclaimed, ”Mom!” “You are not listening!” “I answered, “Oh yes, I am!” And I could even repeat what she had just said. She retorted, “But you are not listening with your eyes!”

Touch sparks love.

After my son died, I longed to hold and touch him. That longing seemed to be the catalyst for my study of the need for touch in our lives. Research shows that touch is essential for physical, mental and emotional well-being; even to the point of survival. Following the First World War, almost 100 percent of infants who were placed in an orphanage before the age of a year, died. After WW2, studies on the relationship between caring and loving touch, and the need for survival showed that these infants were dying not from malnutrition, but their failure to thrive. Their dying was caused by a lack of caring and nurturing touch.

Touch is essential across the life span. Older persons living alone and in isolation, and dying persons can experience touch deprivation. The one who would be doing the loving and stroking caring touch is no longer there. The need for touch and lack of it, can in these cases bring on symptoms similar to depression and dementia.
Touch conveys love and caring. Sometimes when things are difficult, and the person cannot, or will not hear your words, they can always feel the love conveyed through your touch.

There is a fire within us that burns brighter when we are in circumstances where we can give and receive love.

Someday after we have mastered the winds, the waves, the tides and gravity, we shall harness for God the energies of love. Then for the second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire.

Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

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Dr. Jane Simington, PhD